Wednesday, October 20, 2010

walking a thin line of relation

I am waiting
calmly, cautiously

I won't take my life in 2012
it won't be taken from me

the GMT constant isn't

the world will not end then
as it has yet to do

I wish to arise unknowing

ignorant of the stars predilictions

 - Hoc Scripsi

I am posting this today though I think it may be crap. I may delete it or drastically alter it. Right now I am tired from not sleeping well and dealing with the continued pain of walking, lying down, sitting and breathing so my ability to flesh out the thought may be incomplete. I take the meds again and realize that it's been nearly four years since I've known a morning or afternoon or evening without being intimate with bone crushing pain. I need a new drug and I am addicted to not being in pain. Shifts of season and lack of proper sleep aggravate the situation.
The path my life has taken since the accident is one I wonder if given the chance would I relive and make a different decision that day - it was such a perfect day - tragedy gave me a gift and exacted a price. There is nothing that I can change about it so I try not to wonder if I would.


  1. it's just another year to me...
    Sorry about the constant pain, I know how that wears on a person. I won't compare mine to yours, but believe me, I do understand. My absolute favorite place in life right now is in traction. 3 tmes a week and I wish it was 7.
    hang in there buddy...

  2. *sigh*
    days i was in the corner too broken, bruised to sip water, i wished for anything but that pain... i do understand.. i have no more words...

  3. living with any amount of pain is unbearable - I have always viewed pain as pain and incomparable for a great number of reasons. we'll hang in there together.

  4. Well I'm afraid I'm a bit lost. Lost as to the source of this pain; lost to the identity of this lovely poet.

    But I'm ever so pleased that you found me and will be back!

    (Plus, I think I saw reference to Rabbit on here, so your taste is demonstrably excellent.)

    Much love and wishes for the ceasing of your suffering,

    - B x


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