I've been playing a bit with forms lately and doing some inventing of my own, typically for the constraint which helps me to write. This is a reflection of one of those forms - which my forms make little sense and still involve little to no rhyme scheme - I can't be bothered with it, not being able to use the best word is too constraining. I've done the rhyme thing and mostly wrote sonnets and the like during my juvenilia.
left lying on the floor
where dropped
in route to somewhere other
turned it's aspect
apart from and
saintly away
the moment smells of sweat
lying unrested
wearing a buckle attached
tight to a belt,
fastened loose, but
for safe keeping
left lying on the floor
where dropped, dark
brown, augments worn and pale planks
obfuscating
a vision, past, present
a moment varied
- Hoc Scripsi
image from Willow at Magpie Tales #46
Now I need a title. Again to reference the image without utilizing the image. Does the poem require the image?
I think I talk too much.
Especially in sleep.
The first thing that came to me was "I'll Be Right Back", but I don't know why....
ReplyDeletePearl
p.s. Thanks for the shout-out, btw. :-) I can't begin to tell you how difficult it was to see my words in even something as small as a chap book. First it was handwriting, then typing, then the blog, now the chap book -- and each experience has been initially disappointing shortly followed by exilirating.
I do believe this is one of the longest poems I hav read of yours..
ReplyDeleteThese lines are amazing:
"the moment smells of sweat
lying unrested
wearing a buckle attached
tight to a belt,
fastened loose, but
for safe keeping.."
Yes Jhon, I like this poem..alot...
What about 'Lost' for a title? Short and to the point, and doesn't need the photo...
ReplyDeleteScrew rhyming and pentameter. This is FANTASTIC.
ReplyDeleteAnd I would use your last line for the title. "A Moment Varied"
But that's me, and our differences are what make us.
Kevin, I love that for a title - my wife thought that it doesn't need the photo, that none of mine yet do - She has proven in the past to be honest with my poetry and stories so I can believe her. Thank you Trellissimo for the confirmation on not needed the photo and thank you Lynne and Pearl.
ReplyDeletePearl, I read the chap book through in one sitting and it was great!
I think it stands steadfast without the image. In fact maybe moreso. You words are so violently rich that I don't know that imagery is ever needed, it's already there.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't come up with anything for this one that wasn't bloody and bitter and bordering on pretentious. I applaud you for this one. I wish I had thought of it. But, then again, that is often true for many of your pieces.