another Jingle Poetry Potluck Monday. This week theme being - Hobbies & Passions, Pastimes & Entertainment...
Merry Christmas
I was the only one wearing a John Lennon t-shirt
and not camouflage or distressed leather
conspicuously eying shotguns, .357s and a few AR-15s.
it was a last minute decision
to go
a momentary hesitation
to leave
having breakfast at Baker Hill Pancake House
drinking Superior or something
enjoying the company
and the plangent chorus of diners
on a Sunday morning,
too cold for hanging outdoor decorations.
and I am unaware of looks or gazes
in other directions.
- Hoc Scripsi
Not my best effort but it is all I have left today. I am not reaching for compliments as I am always straight forward about that but genuinely unsure about this one.
Earlier I wrote a mess of lines and efforted those to a nose bleeding degree. I'll sleep on this theme and revisit tomorrow or maybe harvest something old to offer the masses.
good night, good night, good night - With Patrick out of the hospital and on the mend, I only need concern myself with fellow chronic pain sufferers. Rest well my fellows, morning is around the bend.
Edit: several, too many - probably going to delete this entire post around 3 am or in the normal morning.
EDIT: obviously I didn't delete it but I assure you that I did rewrite it several times before the first comment.
I enjoyed it, you've got some great detail in a short poem. It certainly created a clear image in my head!
ReplyDeletehttp://jessicasjapes.wordpress.com/2010/12/13/ice-cream/
i've told Rabbit the same - i don't consider myself qualified to offer 'Knowledgeable Critique' -- but i know what i like. and i like this very much. it's fragmentary and leaves you wondering...something most of your poetry does for me -- which, if i *were* some sort of Authority (even a self-appointed one [snark])...would strike me as the mark of skilled poetry.
ReplyDeletei hope very much that you don't delete it.
Thank you.(for the link)
ReplyDeleteI hope the words
look different
today.
honest, brave, and smart words..
ReplyDeleteyou did well,
stay confident,
blessings...
I am very thrilled to have you share your work at Jingle Poetry.
Happy Potluck!
U Rock!
A++
now you know anyone that wears a John Lennon T-shirt and looks for a gun is gonna write a kicker..
ReplyDeletei can honestly say i have yet to read a post/poem of yours i did not enjoy.. helluva lot of mine i dislike..
you got that mojo thing..
and yes, Pat is on the mend...Yes!!!
Yeah I love your raw poetry. Definitely a twist from the romance stuff. BTW...made you new blog of the day.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way it was written.
ReplyDeleteWell, I enjoyed it. As always!
ReplyDeleteI love the first stanza. Reminds me of some gun show experiences.
ReplyDelete