Monday, December 13, 2010

hanging christmas decorations or handling shotguns

another Jingle Poetry Potluck Monday. This week theme being - Hobbies & Passions, Pastimes & Entertainment...


Merry Christmas
 
I was the only one wearing a John Lennon t-shirt
and not camouflage or distressed leather
conspicuously eying shotguns, .357s and a few AR-15s.

it was a last minute decision
to go
a momentary hesitation
to leave

having breakfast at Baker Hill Pancake House
drinking Superior or something
enjoying the company

and the plangent chorus of diners
on a Sunday morning,
too cold for hanging outdoor decorations.


and I am unaware of looks or gazes
in other directions.




 - Hoc Scripsi




Not my best effort but it is all I have left today. I am not reaching for compliments as I am always straight forward about that but genuinely unsure about this one. 


Earlier I wrote a mess of lines and efforted those to a nose bleeding degree. I'll sleep on this theme and revisit tomorrow or maybe harvest something old to offer the masses.

good night, good night, good night - With Patrick out of the hospital and on the mend, I only need concern myself with fellow chronic pain sufferers. Rest well my fellows, morning is around  the bend.

Edit: several, too many - probably going to delete this entire post around 3 am or in the normal morning.  
EDIT: obviously I didn't delete it but I assure you that I did rewrite it several times before the first comment.

9 comments:

  1. I enjoyed it, you've got some great detail in a short poem. It certainly created a clear image in my head!


    http://jessicasjapes.wordpress.com/2010/12/13/ice-cream/

    ReplyDelete
  2. i've told Rabbit the same - i don't consider myself qualified to offer 'Knowledgeable Critique' -- but i know what i like. and i like this very much. it's fragmentary and leaves you wondering...something most of your poetry does for me -- which, if i *were* some sort of Authority (even a self-appointed one [snark])...would strike me as the mark of skilled poetry.

    i hope very much that you don't delete it.

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  3. Thank you.(for the link)
    I hope the words
    look different
    today.

    ReplyDelete
  4. honest, brave, and smart words..
    you did well,
    stay confident,
    blessings...
    I am very thrilled to have you share your work at Jingle Poetry.
    Happy Potluck!
    U Rock!

    A++

    ReplyDelete
  5. now you know anyone that wears a John Lennon T-shirt and looks for a gun is gonna write a kicker..
    i can honestly say i have yet to read a post/poem of yours i did not enjoy.. helluva lot of mine i dislike..
    you got that mojo thing..

    and yes, Pat is on the mend...Yes!!!

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  6. Yeah I love your raw poetry. Definitely a twist from the romance stuff. BTW...made you new blog of the day.

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  7. I liked the way it was written.

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  8. I love the first stanza. Reminds me of some gun show experiences.

    ReplyDelete

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